CONTACT/FOLLOW-UP Mistress is always available to answer questions for Sinn-ergy members. My email is dominavontana@gmail.com or follow me on Twitter @dominavontana or on Instagram domina_vontanadc.
SHOUT OUT Thank you so much for joining us for NYE with at Sinn-ery, A Red Carpet Affair. This is my fifth year at this event. It has been a great source of professional growth and personal pleasure. I look forward to returning every year and want to thank the organizers and their amazing team of dedicated fantasy creators that make this event a reality.
THE ABCs of BDSM
The intention of the ABCs OF BDSM is to equip you to successfully negotiate your first scene. In order to get what you want you must know how to ask for what you want. BDSM is an 'umbrella term' so it includes many different styles and types of activities under one acronym but it is not inclusive. In general, the language used in BDSM would be considered taboo, strong or offensive in most vanilla setting so it's important to remember this when first encountering the highly specialized use of language in BDSM.
B - bondage, bottom
D - Dominant, Dominatrix, dominance, discipline
S - Sadist, submissive, slave, switch, sadomasochist
M - Master, Mistress, masochist
Power Exchange – the type of play where the giver accepts responsibility for the receiver and as a result the giver acquires the receiving player’s power and the receiver is able to experience a feeling of powerlessness
Top – a giver in the type of scene that involves play but not power exchange
Scene - the kinky event, where to or more people come together to play
Play - the exchange between two players
Players - two or more people who share a scene
NEGOTIATING THE SCENE
“You will not get what you deserve, you will get what you negotiate” – unknown
“You learn more about a person in an hour of play, than in a year of conversation” – Plato ??
All players involved should give consent*. The * in consent if for ENTHUSIASTIC. All players involved should give ENTHUSIASTIC consent. This includes Tops and Dominants.
A negotiation can last a few minutes or a few months depending on the situation, location of the players, availability of play spaces and the complexities of the desired scene.
Anticipation is an important and satisfying part of the negotiation process. The negotiation process, whether in person or online or both, is intended to give both players the opportunity to share information like safewords, hard limits, previous experience and desired outcome.
MORE KINKY DEFINITIONS
Safeword – a predetermined word or phrase that may be spoken by the player to stop the play or take a break to discuss the direction the scene is going
Vanilla – any type of sexual activity that is NOT considered alternative, the kind of sex that everyone likes, because everyone likes vanilla ice cream
Slut – a word used to describe someone who really enjoys an activity, ie bondage slut
Goddess – a female or female identified player who enjoys worship, the sensual arts and service
Domina – a word used interchangeably with Mistress or Dominatrix, historically Domina was a title awarded to a woman of common background who through her own efforts acquired land and an education
Ritual and Protocol – structured performances and procudures guided by the Dominant’s wishes and preferences that are intended to bond players through clear expectations and repetition
TYPES OF PLAY
Service – domestic duties, ritual, and body worship
Sensation – candles, electric, fur, fire, needles, leather, latex, deprivation
Sensual – typically a softer, often more romantic style of play that foregoes pain as part of the scene, a type of sensation play
Objectification – when the giver in a scene strips the receiver of their humanity and regards them as an object or animal rather than a human being
Impact – spanking, flogging
Cathartic – a scene where the receiver experiences an endorphin dump that results in an altered state of mind often resulting in the ability to release stubborn emotions
Direct sexual – a scene or exchange that includes direct sexual contact such as anal, oral or vaginal penetration