I'm reading a book right now that is inspirational in its fearless approach to personal truth. I'll tweet a link later. I selected to post this blog in part because the content is unapologetically female. As the resistance continues I'm not out in the streets, but I am out more online, and determined to be my authentic self. My intent with blogging more is to provide something of value. Hopefully if you read my blog regularly you'll be able to experience a feeling of satisfaction more regularly. At the very least I hope you're entertained. I hope my writing doesn't suck and I strike the balance between the optimal amount of exposure and too much of a good things. Less is more because you already have everything you need. If the wizard of Oz went kinky I'd be Glenda - intent on showing Dorothy she had it all along.
and that's the intro. I wrote the following yesterday. Right now I'm sitting in the salon having my undercut painted Fuscia and practicing blogging w the cloud. I haven't left the house in two days. Feels good to be out again, for a bit.
TICKING CLOCKS
The sun is warm on my back as I write this. The stars said sit down. All the way down. I'm seeking a sitting position that won’t break my wrists. They’re starting to give me problems from all this blogging. The boys been telling me for years to dictate. I had scrambled eggs for breakfast. I think too much.
Ticking clocks.
When I was 27 it was a pink florescent signing hangin in a cheap hotel window. It blinked. It said one word in slanted cursive script - “BABY...BABY...BABY…”
The base of the head, where it meets the neck. That’s where this sign sat. At the spot where the lizard brain remains. It was like a ticking clock, a constant reminder that my body wanted a baby. Posted up on the most primal part of me. But my head knew better. Some nights my body won. We all lost.
Now the clock is different. This time it works in my favor. When you’ve done the work of becoming yourself that one thing remains - try again. Oh I’ve tried. It was just never the time the person or the place I guess. Well it’s none of those things right now either, but for once I care about my circunstances more, because biology trumps all. You can't argue with science or you will loose. That's why it's called science. Ticking clock.
I have years to become a mother, but only a few more if I want to give birth. I have no idea about the weights of that scale I just know it took this long for me to even think about it. Because...love.
My Dad would have called it “hippy dippy” shit. What I call love. I turned some corner in the past year, I did it through some conventional and some unconventional methods and it didn't happen all at once it took forever. This isn’t a big deal except to say that for the rest of my life I want to be about the love. I want to experience as much and as many types of love as one possibly can. Kinky love, vanilla love, plutonic love, poly love, monogamous love, community love, tribal love, family love, love for the earth. I hear that loving your child is at the top of this infinite list. So I want that love too because I've learned love isn't perfect but I'd rather live with it than without it.
This is how I fight the resistance. But by love. Instead of pushing away those who are different, I draw them closer to me because we are all in this together.
I don’t have any idea what you kids want in return for this blog, because you give me zero feedback. I started checking my analytics. I see you. Use your voice. What do you want to know? About yourself, of course. What’s your fantasy? I can show you how to make it happen.
Post your questions here. Or email dominavontana@gmail.com
Let the love win. #13Mantras